A Baha'i Wedding? HELP!

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TheCatLady
Posts: 17
Joined: Tue Jan 20, 2009 9:51 am

A Baha'i Wedding? HELP!

Postby TheCatLady » Tue Jul 14, 2009 10:09 am

Hello everyone!,

Well, my boyfriend (well... I guess he'd be my fiancee now, ahhhh!!) and I have offically gotten engaged. We have already recieved both parents concent (a lot easier than I thought it would be, haha) but now I have no idea what to do. I have not declared yet, and I do not plan on declaring before the wedding as... well.. I think I can only take one big step at a time. But, I am good friends with the local Baha'is and his family are all Baha'is and yadda yadda yadda. But, the point of all of this is- 1) I have never been to a Baha'i wedding. I know it can be whatever I want it to be, but I also know we do want to have a lot of it focused on our religion (duh). So, as far as quotes and prayers and the whole entire ceremony (I've only seen preists marrying people, so I have NO idea how this will go!) I am completely clueless. I have my boyfriend's sister who is going to help a lot, but I figured I'd inquire here as you guys have always had such great advice for me. And then theres #2 which is me still being extremely unbearably shy when it comes to the faith. Like, at Ruhi I generally stay quiet as I feel like I'll say something stupid and everytime a prayer book comes anywhere near me I try to run and hide because I'm too afraid to say prayers in public. I mean, even just in private has been so new to me. So, how the heck am I going to get... less freaked out about all of this? AHHHH! Btw- I only have until the last weekend in September to put this together... plus work... plus school. So, I'm going bonkers! Are there any videos of a Baha'i wedding I can watch, or can anyone tell me what their ceremony was like?? Ahhh!!

- Very freaked out Cat Lady

BritishBahai
Posts: 250
Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 1:21 pm
Location: UK

Re: A Baha'i Wedding? HELP!

Postby BritishBahai » Tue Jul 14, 2009 2:37 pm

youre dreading your own wedding day?! Dont! ;)

Bahai weddings are very simple and there aren't any rituals. From reading your paragraph i get the impression you know this already. Basically, the man and woman have to say "We will all verily abide by the will of God" infront of two witnesses. Then the husband and wife sign some kind of book or marriage certificate, and so do the witnesses. To the best of my knowledge, thats it.

Im sure someone else will give a more in depth answer
"I have desired only what Thou didst desire, and love only what Thou dost love"

Truth
Posts: 79
Joined: Fri Nov 07, 2008 6:19 am
Location: Oz

Re: A Baha'i Wedding? HELP!

Postby Truth » Tue Jul 14, 2009 5:16 pm

Why so early? You aren't constrained to the 3 month rule!

I've been to a few Baha'i weddings lately. The cool thing about it is that you aren't constrained to much. You can basically do it however you want. Which is why all the ones I've been to have been so different from one another.

Anyway, congratulations. Seems like everyone getting married and having kids these days, while I'm sitting around watching TV. Urghh.
No need to ask in whose presence I stood, as I bowed myself before one who is the object of a devotion and love which kings might envy and emperors sigh for in vain!

Michael1919
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Jul 08, 2008 3:13 pm

Re: A Baha'i Wedding? HELP!

Postby Michael1919 » Wed Jul 15, 2009 6:26 pm

Hi Catlady,

Congratulations on your wedding! As you are aware there is no formal sequence of events required outside of the vows. At my wedding we had 14 people (family) who stood in a circle at a beach and read 6 readings (1 Christian, 1 Muslim, 1 Native American, 1 Hindu and 2 Ba'hai). Then my wife and I said our vows and that was it.

I thought it was beautiful though I may be a wee bit biased. Some whales came to the wedding too, so they may have agreed. :-P

Best of luck with your own wedding. The important parts of it really don't take that long to sort out. Will you be there?... Yes. Will you be there?.... Yes....So that's it then....

The only thing I'd make sure of is that you talk to the Spiritual Assembly that you are hoping will perform the ceremony soon. If neither you or your fiance are Ba'hai they may have a few things to go over with you (or they may not, your situation is unique to my experience) The person that is designated as the signee for Ba'hai marriages has their own life too, so it's best to give them some advanced notice on when you're hoping they can marry you.

Best Regards,

Michael

BruceDLimber
Posts: 189
Joined: Sun Mar 05, 2006 5:34 pm
Location: Rockville, Maryland, USA

Re: A Baha'i Wedding? HELP!

Postby BruceDLimber » Thu Jul 16, 2009 7:32 am

Hi, there! :-)

I agree: contratulations, and my best wishes! :-)

You've already been told the minimum requirement for the Baha'i wedding ceremony.

(You already have permission), so what remains is the two of you reciting the vow in front of two official witnesses (whom you may choose: they needn't even be Baha'i).

As to the rest, that's entirely up to you!

You can have as much or little as you like: prayers, various readings, music, songs, elephants, whatever. . . .

So enjoy, and don't worry too much about the wedding.

(As to shyness, just remember the famous French saying: "L'audace! Toujours l'audace!")

Regards, :-)

Bruce

TheCatLady
Posts: 17
Joined: Tue Jan 20, 2009 9:51 am

Re: A Baha'i Wedding? HELP!

Postby TheCatLady » Fri Jul 17, 2009 11:42 am

Thank you everyone =)

No, we are not rushing the wedding because of the 3 month requirement, as I know it does not apply to us, hehe. Though, knowing that other Baha'is in the world are scrambling around just as fast as me and still pulling it off is actually quite comforting. We've decided to get married so fast because people are moving out of his place/he can't afford it on his own, and I think it's time for me to fly out of my parent's nest. Now, please don't think this is the ONLY reason we're getting married, as both of us fully understand the dynamics of being married and have been together for over 2 years aaaaand have always wanted to get married =) the right time just didn't present itself before now.

Anyhoo, the reason I am freaking out is because I feel like I have so much to do... and it's just kind of hitting me that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with someone, hahaha. Plus that, I am not officially a Baha'i yet, and I am just afraid of what everything should be like and I haven't read a whole lot of the writings. I knows it's my wedding, but I'm an odd ball so I just need a lot of suggestions.

Thank you for telling me what your wedding was like, Michael =) We have discussed it and would like something like that too, only longer because I'm love quotes! I'm trying to think back to some of the Holy days I've gone to and I remember one being in an order like this "Quote, prayer, quote, prayer, etc." Then I also remember one because where they had everyone say one different quote on peace from all the different religions and I know I liked that. Not nessicarily peace, but just that idea. I'm also wondering about vows since it's not the normal "Til death do you part" dealio. I mean, I've never been to a wedding at all! Nope, only thing I know about weddings I got from TV bride shows, hahaha.

Can you guys recommend some quotes or prayers? He and I will obviously sit down and think about it, but I'm going to be making invitations (yay craftiness!) soon and I'm thinking about putting something on there. I recall reading a topic here with something about someone inquiring about a quote where husbands and wives souls "combine" or something? I can't remember, can anyone help me there?

Phew, thanks for all your help guys. =) Still in a little shock, but we're making progress!

BritishBahai
Posts: 250
Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 1:21 pm
Location: UK

Re: A Baha'i Wedding? HELP!

Postby BritishBahai » Mon Jul 20, 2009 2:00 am

TheCatLady wrote:.
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Can you guys recommend some quotes or prayers? He and I will obviously sit down and think about it, but I'm going to be making invitations (yay craftiness!) soon and I'm thinking about putting something on there. I recall reading a topic here with something about someone inquiring about a quote where husbands and wives souls "combine" or something? I can't remember, can anyone help me there?

Phew, thanks for all your help guys. =) Still in a little shock, but we're making progress!
Yup, that was one of the threads I started.

I'll dig it out for you, or if you're really eager then you can search my posts yourself by going to my profile. Once youve found the link for the thread, it would be a good idea to post it here aswell incase if anyone else wants to know what we're talking about
"I have desired only what Thou didst desire, and love only what Thou dost love"

BruceDLimber
Posts: 189
Joined: Sun Mar 05, 2006 5:34 pm
Location: Rockville, Maryland, USA

Re: A Baha'i Wedding? HELP!

Postby BruceDLimber » Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:20 am

Hi again! :-)

Our wedding was very small and simple, held at the DC Baha'i center: we invited only our closest friends and family--maybe 12 or 15 people.

Then the reception was held at a Baha'i friend's home nearby; we simply invited all our friends to a party there.

I remember a good friend of mine in particular: it took him a while at the event before he figured out it was a wedding reception, and a while longer to figure out who the couple was!

Great fun! :-)

(That was over 31 years ago, and we're still going strong!)

So I wish you all the best!

BTW, in addition to the obvious marriage prayers in the prayer books, there's a semi-famous "Marriage Tablet" that Baha'is often use (and which you may like and also want to include). It's fine, although it's not from 'Abdu'l-Baha, as is often mistakenly said. In this respect, I quote from the American Baha'i:

"The Marriage Tablet, beginning 'The bond that unites hearts most
perfectly is loyalty...' This is not a tablet at all, but is an
unauthenticated record by Ahmad Sohrab of a talk by 'Abdu'l-Baha.
The friends may use it, but it should be made clear that this is
not Baha'i scripture."


Regards, :-)

Bruce

BritishBahai
Posts: 250
Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 1:21 pm
Location: UK

Re: A Baha'i Wedding? HELP!

Postby BritishBahai » Tue Jul 21, 2009 2:25 pm

BritishBahai wrote:Yup, that was one of the threads I started.

I'll dig it out for you, or if you're really eager then you can search my posts yourself by going to my profile. Once youve found the link for the thread, it would be a good idea to post it here aswell incase if anyone else wants to know what we're talking about


Here's the thread:
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=2298
"I have desired only what Thou didst desire, and love only what Thou dost love"

zachers
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Dec 08, 2009 2:18 pm

Re: A Baha'i Wedding? HELP!

Postby zachers » Tue Dec 08, 2009 3:45 pm

BritishBahai wrote:
BritishBahai wrote:Yup, that was one of the threads I started.
I'll dig it out for you, or if you're really eager then you can search my posts yourself by going to my profile. Once youve found the link for the thread, it would be a good idea to post it here aswell incase if anyone else wants to know what we're talking about

Here's the thread:
http://www.bahai-library.com/forum/view ... f=2&t=2298


Excellent! Thanks for posting the link to this.
Happy Holidays!

trose
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2010 6:00 pm

Re: A Baha'i Wedding? HELP!

Postby trose » Fri Sep 17, 2010 12:32 am

Congrats!!!!
And don't stress, Baha'l weddings are indeed very simple... no need to worry!


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