Here's my nine!

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Posted by Dawud on November 05, 2101 at 08:10:23:

In Reply to: 9 Rules for Teaching Christians the Faith posted by Darrick Evenson on November 04, 2101 at 19:15:23:

1. No matter what you write, Evangelicals will be more likely to read it if you print it into little black-and-white comic books and leave them on people's windshields or in restrooms.

2. Be sure to emphasize that you believe in a one-world government with a new religion to match. Christians seem really interested in that part for some reason.

3. Rather than simply read the scripted Baha'i prayers, consider having everybody lift up their hands (go ahead and do it Muslim-style, it's close enough) and give the impression of being moved by the spirit.

4. Emphasize common values such as opposition to homosexuality and abortion, quiet unease with respect to secular scholarship and feminism, and hostility toward dissent.

5. Coffee and donuts.

6. Find a common enemy despised by both, such as Mormonism or Scientology.

7. When they call you hellbound, remember that they are laggards who missed out on the latest stage in humanity's spiritual evolution.

8. Consider turning to numerology, gematria, and cryptography as common languages which can bridge the gap between your religions' end-time chronologies.

9. A positive impression of the faith can be produced by encouraging your younger members to have sex with evangelicals.

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